My Advice for William and Kate

Proverbs 5:18

“May you rejoice in the wife of your youth.”

On Sunday Janet and I will have been married 30 years. Hoorah!

We were married the year before Charles and Diana. We watched their wedding on a 12-inch TV screen in our basement apartment. It was magical. As we all know, it did not last. And such tragedy followed.

Now, two days before we celebrate our 30th anniversary William and Kate will be married. Our candle-light evening wedding was not the sensation that either royal wedding was. But, our marriage has lasted!

If they were to ask me, and they won’t, I would have a few things to suggest to William and Kate. I would echo the wisdom of David in Proverbs 5:18-20.

Here is the poem. I have highlighted three words for comment.

May your fountain be blessed,

and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

A loving doe, a graceful deer –

may her breasts satisfy you always,

may you ever be captivated by her love.

Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?

Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?

Rejoice!

Love starts as a feeling and soon becomes very hard work! Joy is the product of many good choices. I would tell W&K to keep making those choices.

Couples who make marriage work for many years do a strange thing. According to the Gallup research organisation they tend to “find the most generous explanation for each other’s behaviour and believe it”.*

You might say: “He is so critical”, but his wife will say: “I love his straight shooting discernment”. You challenge her behaviour as loud and abrasive but her husband says: “She is the most vivacious person I know, don’t you love it!”

These choices create what Marcus Buckingham describes as an “upward spiral of love”. Choosing to see your life-partner through the lens of “positive illusions” fosters security and intimacy. It grows love.

I don’t mean that we embrace dishonesty. Janet and I have had to unpack some really hard things. We have made changes in ourselves. It costs. But on each occasion the choice we are ultimately making is more joy.

I would tell W&K to rejoice in each other. I know it works.

Breasts.

Physical attraction and satisfaction are unashamedly celebrated in the bible. Bodies are good. Sex is a gift.

I know there is nothing as gross as your parents’ sex life. But what every young couple needs to know – and the media will rarely ever tell you – is that one partner truly can satisfy you your whole life long. You don’t need several different people to have excitement. Beauty deepens and passion grows as you work at it together.

Captivated.

Love is strong. It can last a whole life time. If you give it a chance it can lock-down security and blessing. Our culture seems to fear commitment. We make “ball and chain” jokes about marriage. This is unfortunate because it misplaces the emphasis of “captive”. It is a good thing.

Long marriages are meant to be the rule not the exception. This is achieved more readily if you expect to be held captive, by each others love. Many things will change through years of marriage. Expect however to be hold your partner fast with an unchanging love.

For Janet and me, staying-power in marriage has been greatly helped by a Christian faith. We welcome God into the centre of our relationship. I won’t pretend that we are poster children for the Christian-Couple of the year. But we do two things consistently, we remember that our “ways are in full view of the LORD” (Prov. 5:21) and we keep our love for Jesus forward in our praying, talking and decision making. It matters.

Wisdom for the Royal Couple

So, here is my wisdom for William and Kate. Rejoice in the spouse of your youth, expect to be sexually satisfied by each other for at least 100 years (wink), and let costly love captivate you. Be its happy prisoner until death separates you.

Leave a Comment

• What advice would you give William and Kate?
• Leave a comment celebrating your marriage, or someone else's! 

And ...

If you want to see Kate's engagement ring (Diana's actually) and hear William talk about the engagement click here.

And, and ...

Here is what the early 80's looked like. Happy anniversary my dear!

*Taken from “The One Thing You need to Know” by Marcus Buckingham, pp. 16-26.

Share Your Cookies

Leviticus 23:22

When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Leave them for the poor and for the foreigner residing among you. I am the LORD your God.

I want a wide “justice margin” in my life. Reading this passage convicts me. I don’t have a field, but I think I get the point. Share!

The farmer is told to do two things.

First: Harvest with margin. Don’t go all the way to the edges of your field and don’t go over the field again and again. In other words, leave some produce behind.

Second: Share with blessing. The farmer is to welcome the destitute and outsiders onto his property to glean what the harvesters have left.

In practical 21st century terms he is to live well-within his means and serve the needs of others with the surplus. This is the benevolence system of God’s ancient people. Everyone who has property is required to live with a justice margin.

This simple approach accomplishes several things:

• It meets peoples’ needs – they all get to eat.
• It preserves human dignity – the poorest work as gatherers too
• It enables generosity – the landowner serves his neighbours
• It engenders community – rich and poor depend on each other
• It reminds us all that we are dependent upon God – God grows the produce

The people of God need to do exactly the same thing today. We need to receive our harvest (“salary”) and apply the principle of a justice margin. It is wrong to assume that every improvement in my personal finances gives me more privilege to do what I want.

There was a farmer in one of Jesus’ stories who thought that a big crop gave him the right to build bigger barns rather than share more graciously. He died almost immediately! (Luke 12:16-20)

Receiving a “salary” instead of “planting a field” can cloud my thinking. But I believe my salary and the farmer’s harvest are essentially the same thing. If I happen to own a lot of land or have a big salary I have a bigger responsibility to care for others.

I need a healthy justice margin just the same as these landowners. I need to do the same two things:

1. Live within my salary leaving a healthy surplus
2. Welcome the needy into my life to be served and blessed

If we all got paid in cookies it might be clearer. God would say: "Don’t eat to the bottom of the packet. Leave some cookies. Pass the packet and let others who can’t get any cookies have some." Everyone needs cookies and God has made enough to go around!

Questions

• Do you think the Bible's wisdom is practical today? Why?
• What challenges does this thinking present for you? Does it require you to change?

Problem Solving After Easter

Mark 16:2, 3

Very early on the first day of the week ... they asked each other, “Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?”

The women are working on the wrong problem! They have yet to learn that the situation has changed. Everything has changed. Jesus has risen. His grave is empty. The stone is not the issue now.

This happens when you follow Jesus. Things change. Problems shift. Solutions appear. (Mark 16:1-8)

It occurs to me that Jesus may not need my problem solving skills as much as I think he does. What he needs is presence, attentiveness and obedience.

1. The women showed up! They had an incomplete strategy but they came anyway.
2. They listened to the angel. True they were scared witless but they did hear him out.
3. They obeyed. They did what was asked, albeit with delay and fear.

I think this is the required response: Show up, Listen, Obey. This is not to make light of the strategising, prioritising, thinking and working that leadership requires – only to put it in perspective.

What the women experienced has been my ministry experience also. I have invested energy in solving problems only to discover that God was at work in entirely different ways. Much bigger ways!

The insight for me is this: Think and plan but don’t worry. Take on the puzzle and work at the solution, but don’t become too emotionally involved in the problems or attached to my answers. Problem solve for God the way an eight year old might try to help Einstein with "relativity". Earnestly but humbly.

The words of Psalm 25:4, 5 have become a regular pray for me. “Show me your ways oh Lord, teach me your paths … my hope is in you all day long.”

Whatever the problem – home life, health, school, marketplace, environment, private life, community, church, nation, love life – Jesus is interested. He may even have an unimagined alternate adventure planned. Easter changes everything, including problem solving!

Questions

• How do you balance planning and trusting?
• What experience have you had solving the wrong problem?

On a Different Note

Here are two videos that encouraged me this Easter. Enjoy!

First, something recent

1,300 members of Faith Church celebrating the resurrection in Budapest, Hungary, April 2010
Link: http://youtu.be/i5dSIL358NM

And, something old school

Keith Green, "Easter Song" Live at The Daisy Club, 1982
Link: http://youtu.be/Z3kc1jDahU4

The Nails in Jesus

Colossians 2:14

“Think of it! All sins forgiven, the slate wiped clean, that old arrest warrant canceled and nailed to Christ's cross.” (The Message)

The nails in Jesus were intended to silence an outspoken prophet.

Instead they ignited a revolution unlike anything the world has ever seen.

The nails in Jesus were murder.

God made them hope.

The nails in Jesus were meant to secure the high positions of the religious elite.

They failed, toppling the old regime and anchoring a new Kingdom.

The nails in Jesus were expected to scatter his followers, end his influence.

For a few hours it looked like it might work. But it didn’t!

The nails in Jesus were designed to make a man bleed and bleed … to death.

Mystery. Providence. Grace. Jesus bled his life into mine. 

The nails in Jesus held fast a body that took my place.

They were pounded into my sins but never pierced my flesh.

The nails in Jesus were a political statement. Don’t tangle with Rome!

The wounds Thomas touched, an eternal statement. Don’t toy with God!

The nails in Jesus killed him. Dead! Buried! Missing! Seen! Presumed alive!

Now oh death, where is your sting?

When the Land Vomits

Leviticus 18:28

“If you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you.”

The Bible is graphic. Here is an example. This confronting verse makes me stop and think. Is this Hebrew poetic image saying something we need to hear today?

Israel was given a new land following her exodus experience. It was a great land – flowing with milk and honey, alive with grace and promise. But the title deed had conditions attached. It was more like a lease than a deed of ownership really.

The same can be said for the whole earth. There are conditions if we want to live here.

What conditions are in the earth-deed?

1. God retains ownership. Land is “leased” at best, never “owned” absolutely. We didn’t make the land, we just “found” it. When we discovered we were alive, there it was! Perhaps our ancestors cleared it and cultivated it, and we may be tending it or developing it, but no ancestor can claim to have created it. We have a lease-like arrangement on the land. Best we get to know the land-LORD.

The earth is the Lord’s! Everything in it belongs to him. (Psalm 24:1)

2. Occupancy is contingent upon obedience. It is a strange and powerful idea that righteousness and security are linked. The “land” can actually disown its occupants. That is not very Hellenistic, but it is sound Hebrew thinking. And, it is biblical.

I won’t pretend to understand this fully, but we see it in Leviticus 20:22. “Keep all my decrees and laws and follow them, so that the land where I am bringing you to live may not vomit you out.”

Land is spiritual. Land is created by God and it can declare his glory, clap hands in praise of him, cry out to him and apparently it can even punish its occupants. If you know Tolkien’s “Lord of the Ring”, think of his marvellous creatures called “Ents”. (Ps. 19:1, Isa. 55:12, Rom. 8:22)

3. The land requires love. This is the challenge of Gen 2:15. Care for the earth-garden is core to our calling. If we think of the earth primarily as “inputs” for the industrial machine we get into real trouble. But if you think of it as a “partner” in the call to please God it is a vastly different posture.

Are people the problem? 6 billion people is not a problem. But, 6 billion “fallen people” is! A pillow fight between sisters might break a lamp, but a drunken brawl with 100 angry guests is likely to trash the whole house. Is that where our earth is headed? Demanding our individual pleasures, our nationalistic privileges and our “rights” over others only fuels the earth-brawl. The earth needs love and we all need a saviour.

I Wonder...

Has our lifestyle of over consumption and greed upset Earth’s stomach? Is God’s planet heaving? Is this verse still a truth that we must heed? Does the land still vomit out its people?

Let me be very careful and clear here. I am not asking this question about any one group of people or any tract of land in particular. I don’t subscribe to simplistic judgement theories! I know the verses speak of Israel's exile, but I am wondering about the whole earth and all of us put here by God. I think we have some repenting to do.

What can we do then?

• Live more simply.
• Reduce, reuse and recycle.
• Plant trees.
• Lobby against pollution and polluters.
• Get informed, tell others.
• Live for God – righteousness and security are linked.
• Pray for the earth and her people to be delivered.
• Tell God you are sorry for the wrong you have done.
• Don’t join the doomsday crowd. God still heals!
• Don’t put your head in the sand. God still judges.
• Don’t worry. Go to church this Sunday and celebrate RESURRECTION! Now there’s hope.

Questions

• How do you care for the earth?
• What new facts about the earth's health have you learned that are worth sharing with others? 

Blaspheming Against the Holy Spirit

Mark 3:29 

“Whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin.”

What does Jesus mean? As my daughter says, we better be clear about this and make real sure we’re not doing it, whatever it is. It seems to me that if you have that attitude, you’re probably all right. But what is this unforgivable sin? 

Context 

I notice that just before Jesus talks about the eternal sin he says: “I tell you the truth, all the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them.” That is a wide and wonderful promise.

When I go back a few more verses I notice two important groups of people disparaging Jesus. (Mk. 3:20-30)

His family says he’s out of his mind. Imagine, telling the son of God he is out of his mind. When you know the whole story it sure sounds like blasphemy.

The teachers of the law think Jesus is possessed by the devil and that is how he is doing his miracles. Again, you’d have to call that blasphemous.

So what is blasphemy?

Definition
To blaspheme is to insult the character of God, or the truth of Christian faith, or sacred things. It is to deliberately offend God and rob him of glory. The third commandment forbids it (Exodus 20:7).

There are several ways in which a person can blaspheme.*

• Slanderous words (Lev. 24:11, 15-16)
• Practicing idolatry (Neh. 9:18, 26)
• Oppressing the saints (Isa. 52:5)
• Denying Christ (1 Tim. 1:13)
• False teaching (1 Tim. 1:20)
• Insulting the poor (Jam. 2:6-7)
• Profession without practice (Rom. 2:24)

Jesus' family and the teachers of the law qualify. They are blasphemers.

But all of this can be forgiven according to Mark 3:28. If you have ever said the Christian faith is “nuts”, believers are “fools”, Jesus is NOT who he says he is, or God is (fill in the blank) … all this can be forgiven. This and more actually!

As grievous as it is to God (read Lev. 24 to see how serious!) a sorry heart can be forgiven. The contrite will be set free. Repentance delights God.

So what is it that cannot be forgiven? What is this eternal sin?

Unforgivable
Offending the Holy Spirit to the death. Put another way, God won’t forgive our refusal to be forgiven.

 
The Holy Spirit convicts of sin and leads people to repentance. The Holy Spirit makes the gospel’s words come alive. But if you ignore him or credit his work to Satan, you have no place to turn. The divine breath of conviction is the only way to God. (John 16:5-15; 1 Thess. 1:5)

In the words of Tom Wright: "It isn't that God gets specially angry with one sin in particular. It's rather that if you decide firmly that the doctor who is offering to perform a life saving operation on you is in fact a sadistic murderer, you will never give your consent to the operation".

Put simply, the eternal sin is final rejection. To blaspheme against the Holy Spirit is to reject his life giving work with your very last breath. It is to exhale a curse and die, when you could be breathing in the Spirit's eternal hope. There is no other source of life available.

Reversal
At the end of Mark’s Gospel Jesus is charged with “blasphemy” (Mark 14:64). The religious elite kill Jesus believing that he has offended God and committed an unforgivable sin. But Jesus’ resurrection proves them wrong and Jesus right!

They are not the blasphemy police any longer! Something has changed.

We might think that a simple reversal is called for. Since Jesus is right (not a blasphemer) and the religious leaders are wrong (making them the ones who have offended God) should they die? Is their sin unforgiveable and eternal?

Mark 3:28 anticipates this moment with the answer NO!

Only one thing is unforgivable. Even killing Jesus can be forgiven. But rejecting the invitation of God’s Spirit with your very last breath, that will leave you dead forever!

Questions

• How do you respond to the wide promise of God's forgiveness for blasphemers?
• How is Psalm 150:6 the reverse of Mark 3:29?

*Adapted from: New Dictionary of Theology: A Concise & Authoritative Resource, eds. Ferguson, Wright & Packer.

How Old Do You Plan to Get?

Leviticus 19:13

“Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the Lord.”

Since I plan to live to a hundred I like this nugget of wisdom. Oh, I understand, I can’t really define my life span, yet it helps me. I am well served to think seriously about my own aging. How do I want to be treated as I grow old?

Well, I want to be loved. I hope others will slow down to let me get past with my walker. I hope I won’t be laughed at for my appearance – bent over, wrinkled, wispy hair, baggy pants. I really hope that all the things I have learned won’t be sneered upon. I would like to be listened to, even if I talk too much about my past. I pray there will be someone to drive me to the doctor and take my pains seriously. I hope someone will tell me when my breath is bad or my shirt tail is out, and not embarrass me too much when they do. I really hope I won’t be in the way. I’d love to be a continuing blessing …

Take a moment and sit in your future. What you imagine is someone else’s present. Go and respect them.

Here is my short list for stepping up to the challenge of Leviticus 19:13.

• Defer to seniors in public.
• Practice respect in the family.
• Honour seniors in the community.
• Ignore the fact that a few seniors are not nice people.
• Anticipate my own aging. 
• Respect everyone.

Questions

• How do you practice respect for seniors? 
• What impedes your respect?

Enjoy this wonderful comic prayer about getting older. The fun starts about a minute and a half in.