The Practice of Vulnerability

Vulnerability is powerful. But the way it works is more or less counter-intuitive. You need to risk feeling bad, in order to feel good.

Here's what I am learning. Open and honest people are more interesting. Truthful, risky self-disclosure puts energy into relationships. The more I practice opening up, the easier it becomes. If I have less to hide (or pretend about) I feel more joy, security and kindness in each relationship. 

When people betray my vulnerability it hurts like heck. There is no completely safe way to do this. But there is no way to be fully alive and not do this.

Vulnerability is making my "real self" just a little more visible than is comfortable. Our lives are like flowers, most attractive when fully open. That's counter-intuitive.

Over the years I have explored these 12 ways of practicing vulnerability (I've actually repeated most of this in the last month):

• Asking for help even though it made me feel uncomfortably weak
• Offering advice and examples from my failures rather than my successes
• Expressing my affections (appropriately) where previously I had been silent 
• Naming my doubts and fears out loud
• Finishing this sentence: "Do you know what I am really feeling..."
• Confessing my sins and weaknesses to another person
• Saying sorry and promising to do better
• Refusing to pretend that I liked what I didn't or that I agreed when I couldn't
• Risking ridicule and misunderstanding in order to be helpful to someone else
• Weeping while praying for someone in bitter pain
• Asking others to pray for me in the area of my weaknesses
• Letting silence linger until it got uncomfortable, and then it got real 

Result: Most of the time I experienced a connection. Something vital shifted in the relationship, it went to another level, it blossomed. Not every risk paid the same dividends, but over all my "vulnerability-portfolio" has proven enormously profitable. 

How do you practice vulnerability? Leave a comment.

For a brilliant talk on this theme check out Brené Brown's June 2010 TedTalk here. And if you want to read a business application of the theme, explore Patrick Lencioni's book "Getting Naked".

Have Christians Done More Harm Than Good?

During the past 2000 years Christians got some things wrong, true. But they got a lot of things very, very right. 

It is said that our missionaries stole children, imposed colonialism and ran rough shod over cultures and traditions. Well, that was wrong. We all know about the Crusades and religious wars and inquisitions and narrow minded clerics. For all of that we say sorry. Very sorry!

But that is only part of it. A small part actually.

It also needs to be said that our missionaries cared for victims of the plague, built hospitals, educated young people, dug wells, empowered farmers, raised the flag for justice again and again, improved the status of women, achieved prison reform, brought hope to darkened lives and fostered peace accords. For all of this I say Hallelujah! 

Christianity has contributed to world health, human dignity, an elevation of morality, growth in charity, the birth and growth of modern science, the arts, music, literature, the calendar, the language, and the betterment of society. And all this is ongoing. 

Let's not under play what the followers of Jesus have achieved. Let's celebrate when we tell the Christian story. 

And one more point. Not everything done in the name of God is God's idea, fault or story. Christianity is a great movement. We should not be surprised if it's name and sometimes its proponents get hijacked for devilish purposes. 

I'm proud to be a Christian! It is a world changing phenomenon. It works. And there's much more to come.

Three Ways to Avoid Misspending Your Masculinity

I just learned a shocking stat. Every week a woman is murdered in Melbourne by her partner or ex-partner. Every week! 

Police Commissioner Ken Lay who reports the statistic says: "Our culture is heavy with warped and misspent masculinity." I fear he's right. 

Violence and family abuse is the extreme case but the problem exists in lesser shades of grey as well.

So how should I spend my masculinity anyway? Watching sport. Guzzling beer. Growing hair. Living hard. Having sex. All good in moderation. But surely that's not all there is. 

A bloke is built for more. You know this because you bristled when I added the word "moderation" to the list above containing "sex" and "sport". Guys don't want to slow down. We don't want to drive a Ferrari in the car park. We want some open road!

So, here's my odd prescription for spending masculinity. Take the three top "guy-insults" and live them LIKE A MAN. There's a gem of truth in each of these offences.

1. You're soft mate! Thanks, I'm trying my best. It's tough. Any brick wall can be hard on all sides. It takes character, strength and courage to cushion someone with your love. It takes a bold and powerful person to stand between injustice and someone who is vulnerable. Spend your masculinity cultivating a soft side that you can turn towards those who need a real man to protect and care for them. 

2. Ya' big loser! Great, that means someone else is the winner. If I can loose occasionally, say an argument with my kids or letting my wife choose the movie we watch, I can serve people. If someone else wins because I choose to lose, who's the man, eh?

3. You chicken! Yes I am. I cultivate important fears. I fear God (Prov. 1:7). I fear the one who can put me in hell (Lk 12:5). I fear the person I can be when I am not in control. What I don't fear is you, the names you call me or the harm you think you can cause me. 

So here's my daily masculinity expense sheet. Was I soft enough to cushion some one in need today? Did I lose so some else could win? Did I fear what should be feared and did I walk away from folly? Call me soft, call me loser, call me chicken ... call me a real man! 

I've got masculinity. It's an awesome gift, and I intend to spend it WELL! 

PS. If you lose your temper with women, you need help! Visit NewHope Counselling if you are in Melbourne or find a centre that offers men's support programs near you.

For another excellent speech by Police Commissioner Ken Lay given in Nov 2012, click here.

Christians: The Most Persecuted People on Earth

About 100 million Christians around the world are being persecuted. That's more than 4 times the population of Australia. Pray for them, now!

A few things to ponder:

• An estimated 70 million Christians have been martyred in the first 20 centuries of Christian history, 40 million of them in the last 100 years.
• Christians face restrictions and hostility in 111 nations
• The most unfriendly countries for Christians are North Korea, Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan
• 15 European countries have laws that restrict Christian practice and speech 
• Persecution takes many forms: legalised discrimination, violence, imprisonment, relocation and forced conversion
• Statistically Christians are persecuted more frequently than any other religious group, yet the media dedicate the least time to reporting these stories
• While Christianity is strong in number (2.2 Billion), its commitment to peace has frequently made it the target of violent minorities
• Jesus foresaw all of this! (Matt. 10:16, Mk. 8:34, Acts 9:16)

Despite these atrocities, Christianity continues to flourish. It remains the world's largest religion and continues to grow rapidly. 

Persecution should not be confused with Western Christian experiences of marginalization and inconvenience. If someone laughs at you and your faith, deal with it. But if someone is violent towards you because you love Jesus, or they pass laws against your freedom to worship in Jesus' name; then read 1 Peter 4:12-19 and practice what it says. God is with you!

And, if you're not being persecuted today, lift your face toward heaven and pray with energy for those who are. 

Sources: Hilary White of LifeSiteNews; Tom Heneghan of Reuters  

Stop Building Churches!

What should a group of Jesus' followers build? A Cathedral? A Tabernacle  A Church? Well, according to the Australian team at McCrindle Research, that's not a good idea. If you want to stay community connected, don't build a church. Study the chart in this blog. Take note that the Aussie populous would rather have a dog park than a church!

But now take a closer look. What does the community say it needs? I'm impressed by the fact that churches - of every denominational stripe - are exceptionally well placed to deliver on 4 or 5 of the top 6 perceived community needs.

I suggest we quit our churches and build Community Centres, Youth Centres, Cafés , Children's Parks and the like. Some could turn car yards into public parking and existing church halls into community libraries.

My proposal is not a retreat. It is a advance. Everything Jesus calls us to do as the gathered church (people, not buildings) can happen in spaces that we share with others in the community. And what a great witness to build what the community wants and then share it with them. 

Christian leaders everywhere are re-thinking what we should build and why. NewHope Baptist Church embraced this challenge 6 years ago. We built a Community Centre as a gift to our neighbourhood. We share the space with the community. We are on an amazing journey and it is working a treat. We are growing wide (outreach) and deep (discipleship). Our witness is strong. 

Let's stop building churches. Let's build stuff the community wants and then share it with them. And who knows, maybe they'll let us share other things too - like the gospel!  

You can read more stats from McCrindle here. 

Scaffolding Your Ministry With 5 Types of Prayer

Many Christian leaders delegate prayer. They wisely recruit prayer supporters and empower those with prayer gifts. All good!

But some prayer should NOT be outsourced. 

Re-reading Nehemiah refreshed my prayer life. Here is a leader who accomplished a lot and his ministry is scaffolded with 5 ways of praying. 

Nehemiah really helped me. I'm an activist, not a contemplative. I don't run at the front of the prayer pack, I'm a lagger. But I AM in the race and I WILL finish this marathon. Nehemiah's prayer life is an achievable model for any leader. 

1. Anchoring Prayer (1:4). Bad news inspires Nehemiah's first prayer. The city he loves is in decay and he knows he must respond. His "call" comes as he weeps, fasts and wrestles with God for three full months. This long season of anxious prayer anchors his new vocation in a new city with new challenges and new people. Leaders need these seasons of deep discernment. They are infrequent (only once in this book), but invaluable. While such episodes can't be rushed and are often painful, they stabilise ministry for decades. 

2. Arrow Prayers (2:4). Nehemiah's second prayer stands is stark contract. It's a quickie. He shoots it up to God as he draws breath to answer the king. Godly leaders will shoot dozens of arrow-prayers every day. Afraid? Shoot an arrow-prayer. Perplexed? Fire away. Dumbfounded? Stuck? Discouraged? Awestruck? All are occasions for quickie prayers. Do it continually (1 Thess 5:17).  

3. WIT Prayer (4:9). Stands for "We're in trouble" prayer. All great projects get into trouble, and there is no need to pretend things are good when they are not. Nehemiah simply rallied the people to prayer. He undid his trouble makers by calling on God and posting a guard. Leaders gather people in times of crisis and put courage into them. They urge the people to call out to God together and they expect God to join the team.

4. Armour Prayer (6:9). Very few leaders actually have the proverbial "tough hide". Most of us get hurt. That hurt can become toxic. As Nehemiah's opposition escalated he called on God for Strength. He also ranted to God (not his co-leaders, family or flock) about his enemies. He preserved his soul by first, asking God for protection and second, expelling his leadership bile God-ward not people-ward (4:4,5; 6:14). 

5. PTL Prayer (9:5). This is "Praise the Lord" prayer. Nehemiah and his colleagues led the people in celebration of a job well done. They took time to sing, pray, rededicate and praise God. Leaders offer praise and stir it up in the hearts of God followers.  

These three forms of private prayer and two of corporate prayer make a strong and reliable scaffolding for ministry. These are prayers I cannot outsource. And the more I practice them, the less I want to. 

Bill Wants Cake: The Art of Asking

Mr. Balding wants a decent carrot cake. So he writes to the age. 

"I'm a 90-year-old bloke with a passion for carrot cake. My late wife used to make them for me as long as I grated all the carrots. Any suggestions where to buy a good one?" he asks.

Result: Bill Balding is overwhelmed with kindness and cake. Emails, notes, deliveries, promises - cake, cake and more cake. 

People are wired to care, but get stuck. We don't notice. We don't know how to help. We think we don't have enough resource to share. Stuck!

So, if you need CAKE (or some other kind of help) what do you do? Learn the art of asking from Bill.

Connect. Reach out to others. Put your story out there. Be vulnerable.

Ask. Simply and clearly. Figure out how others might actually help. That's your responsibility. Bill says: "Where can I buy a good carrot cake."

Kindle. Spark interest and emotion in others. "I'm a 90-year-old bloke with a passion for carrot cake." That's engaging. "I'm sad, lonely and angry." That's boring!

Enjoy. If you get a little help, take delight in it. Say thank you. Gossip your story. 

Finally if you have cake, share. 

If you are CONNECTED, know how to ASK and get answers, can easily KINDLE interest in others with your charm and have a life you ENJOY, then find someone who is needy, confused and still telling a boring story and help them eat cake! 

Enjoy the heart warming interview with Bill here. 

Make plans to bake a carrot cake here.

What Is Jesus Good At?

Dallas Willard asks: “So what is Jesus good at?”* If we intend to mentor under him it’s a good idea to know his specialty.

If we aren’t clear, we will be poor students. We may experience disappointment, and misunderstanding. People sometimes want Jesus to teach them things that he is simply not good at. Then they get frustrated when it doesn’t work out. This is wrong.

Jesus is not good at keeping everyone happy. He’s not good at helping rich people get richer. He’s not good at maintaining the status quo. He’s not good at holding his tongue when powerful people are acting unjustly.

So don’t go to Jesus to learn these things. Don’t pretend he taught you.

What is Jesus good at? Willard’s answer: Jesus is good at living in the Kingdom of God. He’s good at obedience to the Father. He’s good at telling stories that steer people’s choices towards the transforming, peace loving, will of God. He’s good at actions that bring justice and offer mercy. He’s good at humble living.

If you want to learn any of these things (and more), follow Jesus. But know what he is good at, before you commit.

* Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy pg. 282.

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