My Advice for William and Kate

Proverbs 5:18

“May you rejoice in the wife of your youth.”

On Sunday Janet and I will have been married 30 years. Hoorah!

We were married the year before Charles and Diana. We watched their wedding on a 12-inch TV screen in our basement apartment. It was magical. As we all know, it did not last. And such tragedy followed.

Now, two days before we celebrate our 30th anniversary William and Kate will be married. Our candle-light evening wedding was not the sensation that either royal wedding was. But, our marriage has lasted!

If they were to ask me, and they won’t, I would have a few things to suggest to William and Kate. I would echo the wisdom of David in Proverbs 5:18-20.

Here is the poem. I have highlighted three words for comment.

May your fountain be blessed,

and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

A loving doe, a graceful deer –

may her breasts satisfy you always,

may you ever be captivated by her love.

Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?

Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?

Rejoice!

Love starts as a feeling and soon becomes very hard work! Joy is the product of many good choices. I would tell W&K to keep making those choices.

Couples who make marriage work for many years do a strange thing. According to the Gallup research organisation they tend to “find the most generous explanation for each other’s behaviour and believe it”.*

You might say: “He is so critical”, but his wife will say: “I love his straight shooting discernment”. You challenge her behaviour as loud and abrasive but her husband says: “She is the most vivacious person I know, don’t you love it!”

These choices create what Marcus Buckingham describes as an “upward spiral of love”. Choosing to see your life-partner through the lens of “positive illusions” fosters security and intimacy. It grows love.

I don’t mean that we embrace dishonesty. Janet and I have had to unpack some really hard things. We have made changes in ourselves. It costs. But on each occasion the choice we are ultimately making is more joy.

I would tell W&K to rejoice in each other. I know it works.

Breasts.

Physical attraction and satisfaction are unashamedly celebrated in the bible. Bodies are good. Sex is a gift.

I know there is nothing as gross as your parents’ sex life. But what every young couple needs to know – and the media will rarely ever tell you – is that one partner truly can satisfy you your whole life long. You don’t need several different people to have excitement. Beauty deepens and passion grows as you work at it together.

Captivated.

Love is strong. It can last a whole life time. If you give it a chance it can lock-down security and blessing. Our culture seems to fear commitment. We make “ball and chain” jokes about marriage. This is unfortunate because it misplaces the emphasis of “captive”. It is a good thing.

Long marriages are meant to be the rule not the exception. This is achieved more readily if you expect to be held captive, by each others love. Many things will change through years of marriage. Expect however to be hold your partner fast with an unchanging love.

For Janet and me, staying-power in marriage has been greatly helped by a Christian faith. We welcome God into the centre of our relationship. I won’t pretend that we are poster children for the Christian-Couple of the year. But we do two things consistently, we remember that our “ways are in full view of the LORD” (Prov. 5:21) and we keep our love for Jesus forward in our praying, talking and decision making. It matters.

Wisdom for the Royal Couple

So, here is my wisdom for William and Kate. Rejoice in the spouse of your youth, expect to be sexually satisfied by each other for at least 100 years (wink), and let costly love captivate you. Be its happy prisoner until death separates you.

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And ...

If you want to see Kate's engagement ring (Diana's actually) and hear William talk about the engagement click here.

And, and ...

Here is what the early 80's looked like. Happy anniversary my dear!

*Taken from “The One Thing You need to Know” by Marcus Buckingham, pp. 16-26.